The impossible choice
“I will always choose success in my career, over everything else.”
This resonates with most young millennials today, myself included.
A couple of weeks ago, I almost had an epiphany, while I was in a session along with some of my fellow women colleagues, having a conversation about effective public speaking. We had an expert come in, and teach us subtleties to addressing a crowd with confidence.
I picked the topic : “Women in workforce”.
“I used to come home from school around 4pm and I remember my mom would get back from work around the same time, and I vividly remember being really excited to recount my day at school, to her. This eventually turned into a tradition, that fortunately or not, continues until this day. This is where I picked up my story telling skills as well.
In my formative years, my father was heads down, figuring his career out. And for the most part until high school, my mom was the one who was extremely involved with me and my school-work, whilst maintaining a brilliant balancing act of her career, home, dad, family, laundry, grocery, grandparents and a lot more.
Ma, is a superwoman.
She always addressed me with a lot of affection, even if her day was mentally and physically exhausting.
She never lost her cool when I suddenly remembered I needed to get something for school, halfway through making dinner.
And of the million things she kept track of, she never ever forgot to give me a glass of my favorite rose milk, served cold, on every hot summer evening.
She probably would give superwoman a run for her money.
Ma, was also very good at work, I’ve heard this a multiple times from her fellow bankers. She has a special affinity for numerals. She can remember EVERYONE’s phone number,birthdays, number plates, house numbers, and even my scores for kindergarten up until my masters, much to my dislike. She is super quick with mental math and can do tallying in her sleep. She also never forgets a face she has met. In retrospection, she should’ve enrolled in law and order; they’d never have needed video tapes or external help to catch criminals. Ma, would’ve done it, easy peasy.
One day, on a serious note, I asked her, “Ma, when will you become a manager; when will you get that office with the fancy desk, that Mr. Kumar sits in? ” She smiled and said, “I don’t want that desk”. I was baffled. It was almost like someone offered her a big box of imported chocolates for free, and she said no to that. 🤷♀ She went on to explain that, having to take up new opportunities, meant frequent travel outside of the city and longer hours of work, which also meant, she might need to give up on the time she spends honing the brat she had at home. She declined any such offers that came her way. I remember frowning a little. She also told me, “My dear, every action of yours, will be a reflection of your upbringing.” A soft whisper played through my head “No pressure, though”
Even at that age, I thought it was unfair, that she had given up professional success, for me.Why couldn’t she have both? Why wasn’t that possible?!
20 years later, I started working. The world had progressed, and we now have quite a few successful women, who managed to juggle between their professional and personal lives, beautifully. We have more avenues to seek help- from having day cares at work and gyms, to paternity leaves of absence for men to contribute to their homes. But this is NOT enough. We can do more, bring a lot more changes to the table, so that, there is equality between two people at work, and at home.
With that, I’d like to end my talk.
My mother HAD to make THAT sacrifice. Today, let’s join hands and make sure we don’t HAVE to.”
I was fairly happy with how I ended my talk. But today, I think I’d like to change that up a bit.
My mother HAD to make that CHOICE. Today, let’s join hands and make sure we don’t have to.
I will refrain from calling it a sacrifice, because she doesn’t regret any of her decisions and given another chance, she wouldn’t have it any other way. And for that, I’m truly thankful, and cannot gather enough words to explain my gratitude.
Ma,
I am what I am, because of you.
I have become something, because you made me.
I am, because you are.
Every day, I will strive for success. And my definition of success, is to try and be half as good as you are.
I cannot thank you enough, for consciously choosing me, over that fancy desk and office 😉.
